Culture and more random things

I take pride in what I do, and who I am but apparently some people think I don’t, yeah that makes me mad. Some people just see me and know I do things but they don’t know how much it takes for me to actually accomplish them. My dad for example thinks I don’t take pride in my culture and that I have forgotten my Hispanic roots, I haven’t. I am old enough to make my personal choices and religion is a big one for me. I have nothing against Catholicism but I disagree with a lot of its teachings, I see nothing wrong with believing in something that works for me; but my parents do. Language is also another issue, I do take pride that I am a bilingual person, but I can’t speak Spanish for everything! Unfortunately, that is out of my control I can’t make people translate everything to Spanish simply because it bothers some people that I speak more English than Spanish. This kind of reminds me of the Selena movie where her dad is telling her that Chicanos need to speak perfect Spanish and perfect English; we just have to have a perfect balance of both cultures. And it’s true there is pressure from both cultures do be ‘perfect’ in what ever we do. There are a lot of stereotypes from both sides, and I really really despise stereotypes! I am a mixture of both the Latino culture and the American culture, I take pride in both because yes, I was born in Mexico, but this is the country that has seen me grow and where I lived all my life.
Here are a few of my not so happy poems written when I was not too happy… but hey nevertheless they are pretty fantastic. Before I indulge you with my emo poetry I would like to keep talking about something. A really good friend asked me what motivates me; I said a lot of things, but mostly my past. I have seen and lived a lot of things that other people haven’t. I am not saying I have suffered more than everyone else because that would be a lie, I seen people who suffer way way more than me. But there are a few things about my life that kind of made me mature a little more quickly than my peers. And although those unfortunate things have been extremely painful to me and specially when I was younger, I am thankful for the suffering, for the tears and for the years that have taught me to stay strong and that if life wants to through a hurricane in my path I can take it down, no problem. I say that very easily, but I just stopped and thought about it for a second; I have been able to take all the pain because of my mother who I love with all my life. I’ll save this topic for another post though because I can say a lot about why I love my mother so much. So for now, enjoy the poetry from the depths of my heart to the screen of your computer lol enjoy!!

I am at my knees dear life
In surrender of the pain
I finally realized
This is more than I can take

I could let the wind blow me away
I could let the earth swallow my life
At this point it wouldn’t matterI am buried alive


Many dawns of opened eyes
a mist of cold
a dead sunrise
a cloud of dreams floating away
two wounded wings
why does it feel this way?
just kill me
forget that I exist
because if you don't
I am not sure I can resist
I am trying to be strong
but this weakness makes me fall
I just can't take anymore




Good stuff, right?

ok more random things....

So I was supposed to post a blog about something...
I'm not sure what, dang thats weird but yeah it was probably about something random and weird.
I wanna talk about...... hmmmm... lets talk about.... ME!! lol wow
Wait why not??
Ok...
So I am Maria... aka Maria lol my hands are cold
Ok so i was really thinking i should do my nails right now, I think I am gonna clip them first and then i am gonna paint them purple or more like lilac color. Freakin awesome i mean seriously i think its embarrassing to show my hands to the world when they are ashy and stuff so when my polish is all chipped off I wanna chop my entire hand off...
not really lol so i might do that now
I realized that i had been a slaker ugh thats nasty lol well seriously i have too much going on, but at the same time i'm not really doing anything right now so i kinda have to get my shiznits togehter and start working like i should be working.
So i'm gonna stop blogging and do my nails lol
Keep it clean!! lol

Seeing People

What does seeing someone really mean? If we think about it you can see many people but can you really see who they are and what they feel? You don't have to be psychic to be able to know people, is it a gift? No, its only being able to empathize with someone, you don't necessarily have to know everything that person has been through. I can say that if seeing people is a gift I am a glad possessor of this gift.
It’s amazing how sometimes just by looking at someone you can totally connect to their ideas and thoughts... its pretty crazy but when it does happen you know that there is someone who sees you too. But once again, how many people get to see you as you are, to the point where you may feel like you are a naked soul, and that is perfect when the sentiment is mutual; and even if its not knowing that you can see things that no one else can pick up on is extraordinary (well I guess it also depends on who you are trying to see) lol careful there....
In my case there are only very few people who see me, and people who don't often get surprised when I have a bad idea in my head and I actually say it aloud all I say is, " You just don't really know me"
I can't say I always feel happy for the people who listen to my nonsense because sometimes it’s pretty crazy and just like WOW!! But at the same time I can't complain because they are the people who really care. Those who just by a look in the eyes can get a hint of whatever thought is going on in this crazy little head of mine.

People see me, some others don't and I'm glad for that sometimes I mean I don't want to like traumatize them for ever. But if someone actually took the time to get deep into my mind wow the wonderful (and not so wonderful) things they would find.

Now that is something i can't deny I'm a pretty random eccentric chick, but if the bottom, and not so bottom, lol I am an extremely sentimental, romantic, dedicated and committed girl. It sounds weird that I say this about myself but I guess that’s the first step in Seeing people; being able to see yourself and accept yourself as you are; a wonderful part of this world, very unique, extraordinary. It all begins in YOU!!

Possumatic

Just hangin', ya know?? lol

Possum?? Na, its just awesome... look at that huge smile!! aaahhh lol

Cookies?? lol

WOW!!! the big bad wolf lol just kidding haha well i like violent romance lol (inside joke) lol if its bloody its better haha eeewww lol mwahaha.

I have string and I am not afraid to use it!! wow... lol haha wow mental images....
well my day was better today, a lot of ideas developed today and some are still in the making. The test tomorrow should be fairly easy... I hope.

" I don't think words sufice, therefore, actions do" lol
aaaahhhhh... hehe lol
I feel like singing chirstmas songs or that one song "Addicted" lol hmmmm....
So my computer was being stupid and deleted all my cookies ahhh cookies... does that sound Kinky?? lol
So i heard bloggers are sexy lol

lalalala....

Green Why? Why not? lol

Hmmm... where should I start?? Well in the past week or so my life has been pretty crazy, like its not crazy enough as it is. But hey I'm not complaining I love life even in the roughest moments. I'm trying to get everything together for the movie screening and aahh its harder than i thought it would be. Thanks to all the Amnesty members its a little less stressful than it would be if I was doing it on my own. I don't even wanna get into like my "real" life because that is purely chaotic, things haven't been turning out the way I want them too and that's majorly grrrr!!! Aaaaaaahhh!!!! I actually wanted things to go wrong and when they finally do, they get better. Thats terrible for me... Its like destiny is pushing me one way but my heart is pushing me another way and it sucks. horrible for now I am letting things cool down and just wait for things to work MY WAY...(the best way) aaawwww!!!! GRRRRRR!!!! lol does that make sense??

Release my heart

But don't let go

I get lost upon your Emerald soul

It's a prison of emotion

I'm tied against its walls

I feel if I untie

the prison slowly falls

ahhhh feelings....

Ok so I'm supposed to be working on a blog for my Bio class and well i kinda dont feel like it haha jk well i cant really concentrate at school when i'm trying to do these things so i just kinda wait till i get home to do them :)

chaos

Well since this my first post I figured I might as well make it good, and oh gosh its good. I mean part of the reason why I made my blog was to relieve some of this stress :) Okay, so yesterday was an oh my gosh day, we got our new schedules and well I didnt't really want to take ACT prep because we are doing a lot of practice in my English class. So I just stayed in the class for yesterday. Then I talked to Mr.White about having an Independent Study class with him and he said yes but I had to convince the counselor to let me take it. So after running like crazy around the halls I found Mr.White and he told me to talk to Ms.Quayle so i did; and after working some minor details out I got switched. Oh gosh and well yesterday I got home after an Amnesty meeting which for some odd reason always cause me headaches, and well my phone was almost dead....oh gosh!! So I asked my mom, "Mom where's my charger?" and she said, "Oh well your little brother took the sissors and cut it up" Aaaaaahhhh!! I wanted to explode!!!.....but i didn't hehe ;) and my dad came home and i had to explain to him what had happened and of course kids are always the good ones, so my dad told me that it was my fault for not taking care of that thing.. Seriously?? Oh my dear daddy....
So today I went to the store hoping to find a charger for my phone, I got one and I came home and plugged it in and wow... it didn't work!! (major fit) Ok I'm not gonna lie.. I did cry haha wait its funny now but it wasn't like 2 hours ago. Then my dad asked me if my phone was working now and i said no, so he just stays quiet and then like 2 minutes later he starts going off, ahhhhh!! Dang it!! I'm stressed enough.. then i come home to freakin chaos, sometimes its very complicated to keep your cool on and not go off on people. But i did it!! I'm a big girl now! Yes!! Rough days... i mean why? ok maybe i shouldn't complain its all Karma maybe next time I'll think before i do something stupid lol