It’s been forever since I've posted anything I guess I have just been in my own sad emo world. This is actually pretty sad. Well for last term I had a GPA of 3.7 ugghhh I am tired of 3.7’s but hey I guess if I was really tired of them I probably would work harder. So yeah that’s that. Life… hectic!! Amnesty is having this huge event that’s totally sucking the guts out of my life it makes me soooo sad how people are not taking this event seriously enough I feel like I am the only idiot who cares about getting it done. I do cut them some slack considering they are freshmen and like my Spanish teacher says “freshmen are not even real people yet” yes I totally agree!! It just makes me wanna…. Wanna grrr mega grrr. As much as my school life is suffering my personal life is sucking booty too. I want to get on my knees and ask life to give me a break right now that things are just stressing the heck out of me. I wish I could pause life and tell the world to wait for me to catch up and start living again. Unfortunately being the weird human I am, it’s not happening. I am looking forward to a break… a long break. I can’t see one coming till spring break is here which is right after I have the Amnesty Event. (Sigh) I’m hanging in there and trying to keep up with life. Its hard specially when you are not getting motivation from some family members they just don’t understand that all the things I do don’t just appear from one day to another, I am not the person they think I am I am not a slut waisting my time doing my nails, as a matter of fact I don’t even have time to color my nails anymore and that’s the last thing I am concerned about really…
What ever one more year to go and then life should get better for me college is waiting with open arms and I am anxious to leave and live far away from the chaos of life, I know I will have chaos everywhere but it will be different, I am begging for change but nothing seems to come around, not good change anyway. Patience should come in handy.
Monday, March 9, 2009
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Bored...
Ok so again, I am supposed to be working on a blog for bio but guess what? Maria is too lazy to do anything!! No seriously, well anyway, I haven't been able to blog for like the past month so I guess this is a good time! Not many new things have happened, I drink less coffee that's about it... but that is a good time after discovering that coffee gets me all shaky and warm eewww.. yeah so I decided to drink green tea whenever I want to drink coffee and i guess its a good replacement :)
School... hmmm nothing very interesting has happened there, well maybe yes, I am pretty excited that this trimester will soon be over, yeah that's what I say now then i will probably be crying because i dint get enough work to do lol or not. Either way next term i want to do what i didn't do this term which would be to like get a 4.0 yeah that's sooo not happening this term.. well or so it looks like but hey you never know! So yeah... Yoga sounds good for a third hour.. lol but then again math is always so thrilling!!! hehe no not really. I never really been good at math, which is weird because people always expected me to be good at it, i guess they just dint know how much i suck at it! Finals week are going to be terrible! I cant wait for a break!! Maybe i can wait because being at home can be very boring... i used to like being at home till my siblings came along ughhh how depressing!! maybe this one time i will actually plan something for spring break but usually i just stay home and rot which is very sad but there is not much i can do lol well i can i am just too damn lazy! lol I just know that after csap week i am really going to need a break and not because i need to take the test thank the universe i am done with that but stress is very attached to me.. or maybe its the other way around. After that lovelly week I will be having the amazing Human Rights Week, omggg that's gonna be great and after that hopefully we'll have the talent show which is gonna be even more amazing! erdfrergthgfde estevan typed that lol some people just need to get a life lol jk jk maybe not lol
New subject
Ok this was a question that came up in my spanish class as i was hearing the clock tick, how do YOU measure time. I mean sure there are clocks but i think everyone measures time in their own way.. does that makes sense?? lol The way a measure time really depends on first of all, what it is i am doing because when i think about it when i am in math class that class seems to last an eternity, but when i am like in say Bio then it seems to go by fairly quickly. I think the next thing is how fast you are really willing to let time go by, i mean seriously, when you want time to go by slow it just doesnt happen but when you want it to go by fast that does not happen either... kinda weird huh?? lol ok maybe not weird i am just weird and that makes things seem weird to me.
ok so i still didnt answer my own question.. lol i guess the moment just has a lot to do with it, you have to be happy in order to feel like every second is not an eternity. When you are suffering or lets just say not happy it does seem like time goes by very slowly, well it does to me anyway, or does everyone else think the same way? idk... thats where i am leaving off hoping that next time i blog i actually have a more concrete answer. :)
School... hmmm nothing very interesting has happened there, well maybe yes, I am pretty excited that this trimester will soon be over, yeah that's what I say now then i will probably be crying because i dint get enough work to do lol or not. Either way next term i want to do what i didn't do this term which would be to like get a 4.0 yeah that's sooo not happening this term.. well or so it looks like but hey you never know! So yeah... Yoga sounds good for a third hour.. lol but then again math is always so thrilling!!! hehe no not really. I never really been good at math, which is weird because people always expected me to be good at it, i guess they just dint know how much i suck at it! Finals week are going to be terrible! I cant wait for a break!! Maybe i can wait because being at home can be very boring... i used to like being at home till my siblings came along ughhh how depressing!! maybe this one time i will actually plan something for spring break but usually i just stay home and rot which is very sad but there is not much i can do lol well i can i am just too damn lazy! lol I just know that after csap week i am really going to need a break and not because i need to take the test thank the universe i am done with that but stress is very attached to me.. or maybe its the other way around. After that lovelly week I will be having the amazing Human Rights Week, omggg that's gonna be great and after that hopefully we'll have the talent show which is gonna be even more amazing! erdfrergthgfde estevan typed that lol some people just need to get a life lol jk jk maybe not lol
New subject
Ok this was a question that came up in my spanish class as i was hearing the clock tick, how do YOU measure time. I mean sure there are clocks but i think everyone measures time in their own way.. does that makes sense?? lol The way a measure time really depends on first of all, what it is i am doing because when i think about it when i am in math class that class seems to last an eternity, but when i am like in say Bio then it seems to go by fairly quickly. I think the next thing is how fast you are really willing to let time go by, i mean seriously, when you want time to go by slow it just doesnt happen but when you want it to go by fast that does not happen either... kinda weird huh?? lol ok maybe not weird i am just weird and that makes things seem weird to me.
ok so i still didnt answer my own question.. lol i guess the moment just has a lot to do with it, you have to be happy in order to feel like every second is not an eternity. When you are suffering or lets just say not happy it does seem like time goes by very slowly, well it does to me anyway, or does everyone else think the same way? idk... thats where i am leaving off hoping that next time i blog i actually have a more concrete answer. :)
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
The world would be so much better if...
I believe the world would be so much better if things changed up a bit. I seriously think the world would be happier if instead of watching TV or playing video games people took time to read a good book. If instead of people riding their car everyday to school (that is if it was possible for them to) if they could ride their bikes or walk. If instead of finishing the day to remember you forgot to do this or that, you realize that it was another day lived, and the joy of being surrounded by people who care is priceless. Life would be so much better if people had a more positive attitude about things; i mean life in general COULD be amazing but people rather dwell over the past... It may sound kinda weird for me to say that since I am always dwelling and reminiscing but that's something I'm working on. Life WILL be better because I will find joy when i need it and i will relieve my pain when i am hurting.
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Goals and stuffing
Easy to say, past, present, and future; however if we narrow it down to every minute, or lets just say “moment” of the past we see how things have left a residue in our lives. As insignificant as it may seem, what ever we did in the past affects where we are not and what we are doing. The past year left more than a few residues in my life, in fact what I was doing last week or just 30 minutes ago is affecting what I am doing now. Crazy in a way, it seems to me anyway. Hmmm this1st of the New Year is a good moment to reflect on what I did, done, and will do.
2008
January - I was having some serious emotional confusion lol and I got over it very quickly and quit tutoring kido’s
February –Ended a relationship and entered another one
March- Taking CSAP??
April- I was being a lousy student and now I am ashamed of it
May- I was still being a lousy student and not being as good of student as I wished I had been lol oh yeah and I got that one offer to go to Colorado College. Therefore, I was working on the stuff for it, essay, letters and whatnot
June- Yay! My birthday! Well this was probably the best month of my life, I actually got the scholarship to be at Colorado College for 2 weeks and they were the most fabulous 2 weeks of my life!!
July- Well after being back from college my life changed a bit, I was seeing things from a more futuristic sort of way and I loved the change because it took some of my slacker attitude away… some ha ha
August- Well as I was doing the dishes and discovered that I wanted to make a club to help people around the world... so I did and its awesome it was worth all the stress I had to go through
September-Discovered that this year is very fast passed and that if I do not move along with it I will be left behind
November- Time to be thankful? My ass, I should be thankful everyday!
December- Wow the month of great discoveries and chaos! Well first of all emotions went weird this month but at the end, I did figure what I wanted... sweet stuff.
GOALS 2009
Well first, I need to organize myself and stop slacking. I mean seriously I do not think that I really do have any room to slack because of all the chaos that surrounds my life. Planner is gonna come handy this year. Hmmm… what else? Oh yeah I really a good ACT score.
Next, Amnesty is going to do MORE! That’s condensing my goals lol
2008
January - I was having some serious emotional confusion lol and I got over it very quickly and quit tutoring kido’s
February –Ended a relationship and entered another one
March- Taking CSAP??
April- I was being a lousy student and now I am ashamed of it
May- I was still being a lousy student and not being as good of student as I wished I had been lol oh yeah and I got that one offer to go to Colorado College. Therefore, I was working on the stuff for it, essay, letters and whatnot
June- Yay! My birthday! Well this was probably the best month of my life, I actually got the scholarship to be at Colorado College for 2 weeks and they were the most fabulous 2 weeks of my life!!
July- Well after being back from college my life changed a bit, I was seeing things from a more futuristic sort of way and I loved the change because it took some of my slacker attitude away… some ha ha
August- Well as I was doing the dishes and discovered that I wanted to make a club to help people around the world... so I did and its awesome it was worth all the stress I had to go through
September-Discovered that this year is very fast passed and that if I do not move along with it I will be left behind
November- Time to be thankful? My ass, I should be thankful everyday!
December- Wow the month of great discoveries and chaos! Well first of all emotions went weird this month but at the end, I did figure what I wanted... sweet stuff.
GOALS 2009
Well first, I need to organize myself and stop slacking. I mean seriously I do not think that I really do have any room to slack because of all the chaos that surrounds my life. Planner is gonna come handy this year. Hmmm… what else? Oh yeah I really a good ACT score.
Next, Amnesty is going to do MORE! That’s condensing my goals lol
Monday, December 22, 2008
Culture and more random things
I take pride in what I do, and who I am but apparently some people think I don’t, yeah that makes me mad. Some people just see me and know I do things but they don’t know how much it takes for me to actually accomplish them. My dad for example thinks I don’t take pride in my culture and that I have forgotten my Hispanic roots, I haven’t. I am old enough to make my personal choices and religion is a big one for me. I have nothing against Catholicism but I disagree with a lot of its teachings, I see nothing wrong with believing in something that works for me; but my parents do. Language is also another issue, I do take pride that I am a bilingual person, but I can’t speak Spanish for everything! Unfortunately, that is out of my control I can’t make people translate everything to Spanish simply because it bothers some people that I speak more English than Spanish. This kind of reminds me of the Selena movie where her dad is telling her that Chicanos need to speak perfect Spanish and perfect English; we just have to have a perfect balance of both cultures. And it’s true there is pressure from both cultures do be ‘perfect’ in what ever we do. There are a lot of stereotypes from both sides, and I really really despise stereotypes! I am a mixture of both the Latino culture and the American culture, I take pride in both because yes, I was born in Mexico, but this is the country that has seen me grow and where I lived all my life.
Here are a few of my not so happy poems written when I was not too happy… but hey nevertheless they are pretty fantastic. Before I indulge you with my emo poetry I would like to keep talking about something. A really good friend asked me what motivates me; I said a lot of things, but mostly my past. I have seen and lived a lot of things that other people haven’t. I am not saying I have suffered more than everyone else because that would be a lie, I seen people who suffer way way more than me. But there are a few things about my life that kind of made me mature a little more quickly than my peers. And although those unfortunate things have been extremely painful to me and specially when I was younger, I am thankful for the suffering, for the tears and for the years that have taught me to stay strong and that if life wants to through a hurricane in my path I can take it down, no problem. I say that very easily, but I just stopped and thought about it for a second; I have been able to take all the pain because of my mother who I love with all my life. I’ll save this topic for another post though because I can say a lot about why I love my mother so much. So for now, enjoy the poetry from the depths of my heart to the screen of your computer lol enjoy!!
I am at my knees dear life
In surrender of the pain
I finally realized
This is more than I can take
I could let the wind blow me away
I could let the earth swallow my life
At this point it wouldn’t matterI am buried alive
Many dawns of opened eyes
a mist of cold
a dead sunrise
a cloud of dreams floating away
two wounded wings
why does it feel this way?
just kill me
forget that I exist
because if you don't
I am not sure I can resist
I am trying to be strong
but this weakness makes me fall
I just can't take anymore
Good stuff, right?
Here are a few of my not so happy poems written when I was not too happy… but hey nevertheless they are pretty fantastic. Before I indulge you with my emo poetry I would like to keep talking about something. A really good friend asked me what motivates me; I said a lot of things, but mostly my past. I have seen and lived a lot of things that other people haven’t. I am not saying I have suffered more than everyone else because that would be a lie, I seen people who suffer way way more than me. But there are a few things about my life that kind of made me mature a little more quickly than my peers. And although those unfortunate things have been extremely painful to me and specially when I was younger, I am thankful for the suffering, for the tears and for the years that have taught me to stay strong and that if life wants to through a hurricane in my path I can take it down, no problem. I say that very easily, but I just stopped and thought about it for a second; I have been able to take all the pain because of my mother who I love with all my life. I’ll save this topic for another post though because I can say a lot about why I love my mother so much. So for now, enjoy the poetry from the depths of my heart to the screen of your computer lol enjoy!!
I am at my knees dear life
In surrender of the pain
I finally realized
This is more than I can take
I could let the wind blow me away
I could let the earth swallow my life
At this point it wouldn’t matterI am buried alive
Many dawns of opened eyes
a mist of cold
a dead sunrise
a cloud of dreams floating away
two wounded wings
why does it feel this way?
just kill me
forget that I exist
because if you don't
I am not sure I can resist
I am trying to be strong
but this weakness makes me fall
I just can't take anymore
Good stuff, right?
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
ok more random things....
So I was supposed to post a blog about something...
I'm not sure what, dang thats weird but yeah it was probably about something random and weird.
I wanna talk about...... hmmmm... lets talk about.... ME!! lol wow
Wait why not??
Ok...
So I am Maria... aka Maria lol my hands are cold
Ok so i was really thinking i should do my nails right now, I think I am gonna clip them first and then i am gonna paint them purple or more like lilac color. Freakin awesome i mean seriously i think its embarrassing to show my hands to the world when they are ashy and stuff so when my polish is all chipped off I wanna chop my entire hand off...
not really lol so i might do that now
I realized that i had been a slaker ugh thats nasty lol well seriously i have too much going on, but at the same time i'm not really doing anything right now so i kinda have to get my shiznits togehter and start working like i should be working.
So i'm gonna stop blogging and do my nails lol
Keep it clean!! lol
I'm not sure what, dang thats weird but yeah it was probably about something random and weird.
I wanna talk about...... hmmmm... lets talk about.... ME!! lol wow
Wait why not??
Ok...
So I am Maria... aka Maria lol my hands are cold
Ok so i was really thinking i should do my nails right now, I think I am gonna clip them first and then i am gonna paint them purple or more like lilac color. Freakin awesome i mean seriously i think its embarrassing to show my hands to the world when they are ashy and stuff so when my polish is all chipped off I wanna chop my entire hand off...
not really lol so i might do that now
I realized that i had been a slaker ugh thats nasty lol well seriously i have too much going on, but at the same time i'm not really doing anything right now so i kinda have to get my shiznits togehter and start working like i should be working.
So i'm gonna stop blogging and do my nails lol
Keep it clean!! lol
Friday, December 12, 2008
Seeing People
What does seeing someone really mean? If we think about it you can see many people but can you really see who they are and what they feel? You don't have to be psychic to be able to know people, is it a gift? No, its only being able to empathize with someone, you don't necessarily have to know everything that person has been through. I can say that if seeing people is a gift I am a glad possessor of this gift.
It’s amazing how sometimes just by looking at someone you can totally connect to their ideas and thoughts... its pretty crazy but when it does happen you know that there is someone who sees you too. But once again, how many people get to see you as you are, to the point where you may feel like you are a naked soul, and that is perfect when the sentiment is mutual; and even if its not knowing that you can see things that no one else can pick up on is extraordinary (well I guess it also depends on who you are trying to see) lol careful there....
In my case there are only very few people who see me, and people who don't often get surprised when I have a bad idea in my head and I actually say it aloud all I say is, " You just don't really know me"
I can't say I always feel happy for the people who listen to my nonsense because sometimes it’s pretty crazy and just like WOW!! But at the same time I can't complain because they are the people who really care. Those who just by a look in the eyes can get a hint of whatever thought is going on in this crazy little head of mine.
People see me, some others don't and I'm glad for that sometimes I mean I don't want to like traumatize them for ever. But if someone actually took the time to get deep into my mind wow the wonderful (and not so wonderful) things they would find.
Now that is something i can't deny I'm a pretty random eccentric chick, but if the bottom, and not so bottom, lol I am an extremely sentimental, romantic, dedicated and committed girl. It sounds weird that I say this about myself but I guess that’s the first step in Seeing people; being able to see yourself and accept yourself as you are; a wonderful part of this world, very unique, extraordinary. It all begins in YOU!!
It’s amazing how sometimes just by looking at someone you can totally connect to their ideas and thoughts... its pretty crazy but when it does happen you know that there is someone who sees you too. But once again, how many people get to see you as you are, to the point where you may feel like you are a naked soul, and that is perfect when the sentiment is mutual; and even if its not knowing that you can see things that no one else can pick up on is extraordinary (well I guess it also depends on who you are trying to see) lol careful there....
In my case there are only very few people who see me, and people who don't often get surprised when I have a bad idea in my head and I actually say it aloud all I say is, " You just don't really know me"
I can't say I always feel happy for the people who listen to my nonsense because sometimes it’s pretty crazy and just like WOW!! But at the same time I can't complain because they are the people who really care. Those who just by a look in the eyes can get a hint of whatever thought is going on in this crazy little head of mine.
People see me, some others don't and I'm glad for that sometimes I mean I don't want to like traumatize them for ever. But if someone actually took the time to get deep into my mind wow the wonderful (and not so wonderful) things they would find.
Now that is something i can't deny I'm a pretty random eccentric chick, but if the bottom, and not so bottom, lol I am an extremely sentimental, romantic, dedicated and committed girl. It sounds weird that I say this about myself but I guess that’s the first step in Seeing people; being able to see yourself and accept yourself as you are; a wonderful part of this world, very unique, extraordinary. It all begins in YOU!!
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Possumatic
Just hangin', ya know?? lol
Possum?? Na, its just awesome... look at that huge smile!! aaahhh lol
Cookies?? lol
WOW!!! the big bad wolf lol just kidding haha well i like violent romance lol (inside joke) lol if its bloody its better haha eeewww lol mwahaha.
I have string and I am not afraid to use it!! wow... lol haha wow mental images....
well my day was better today, a lot of ideas developed today and some are still in the making. The test tomorrow should be fairly easy... I hope.
" I don't think words sufice, therefore, actions do" lol
aaaahhhhh... hehe lol
I feel like singing chirstmas songs or that one song "Addicted" lol hmmmm....
So my computer was being stupid and deleted all my cookies ahhh cookies... does that sound Kinky?? lol
So i heard bloggers are sexy lol
lalalala....
I have string and I am not afraid to use it!! wow... lol haha wow mental images....
well my day was better today, a lot of ideas developed today and some are still in the making. The test tomorrow should be fairly easy... I hope.
" I don't think words sufice, therefore, actions do" lol
aaaahhhhh... hehe lol
I feel like singing chirstmas songs or that one song "Addicted" lol hmmmm....
So my computer was being stupid and deleted all my cookies ahhh cookies... does that sound Kinky?? lol
So i heard bloggers are sexy lol
lalalala....
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Green Why? Why not? lol
Hmmm... where should I start?? Well in the past week or so my life has been pretty crazy, like its not crazy enough as it is. But hey I'm not complaining I love life even in the roughest moments. I'm trying to get everything together for the movie screening and aahh its harder than i thought it would be. Thanks to all the Amnesty members its a little less stressful than it would be if I was doing it on my own. I don't even wanna get into like my "real" life because that is purely chaotic, things haven't been turning out the way I want them too and that's majorly grrrr!!! Aaaaaaahhh!!!! I actually wanted things to go wrong and when they finally do, they get better. Thats terrible for me... Its like destiny is pushing me one way but my heart is pushing me another way and it sucks. horrible for now I am letting things cool down and just wait for things to work MY WAY...(the best way) aaawwww!!!! GRRRRRR!!!! lol does that make sense??
Release my heart
But don't let go
I get lost upon your Emerald soul
It's a prison of emotion
I'm tied against its walls
I feel if I untie
the prison slowly falls
ahhhh feelings....
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